What causes red hair? Nothing but a dark soul! But seriously, red hair is caused by a genetic mutation, quite possibly because they are the spawn of Satan or by conjuring the devil with evil spells and potions. If the mutation isn’t caused by that, maybe it’s their fiery temper and the ability to turn a bright, sunny, beautiful day into the darkest pit of Hell with but a mere glare from their piercing eyes that descend into the darkest recesses of their soul. But if you still feel that there is a logical, scientific explanation for the fiery redhead, the scientists from Scotland, of all places, have just the recipe, or is it broth, to explain away how red hair forms.
From the fiery pits of Mount Doom, in the Black Land of Mordor, the Dark Lord Sauron… Oops, sorry. Wrong paper. On impious wretches he shall rain, Tempests of brimstone, fire, and death…. Bugger it. Wrong book yet again. Perhaps it’s my past experiences with those of the fiery hair that have me feeling a little reluctant to talk about what causes red hair. But onward Christian soldier, marching off to war, which is what it feels like when confronting a ginger haired hothead. Well, enough of this for the time being, time to reveal the information that the more than likely red haired, evil, mad scientists from Edinborough, who have probably been consorting with the Devil to fool us all, have discovered.
There’s a little gene called “Melancortin 1 Receptor” or MC1R for short. I have one, you have one, even the most twisted people in the world have one. But in the case of red heads, it’s mutated, possibly from the dark side and black magic, or possibly the devil. Most red heads carry two of these messed up genes, and if you have one, because they are actually recessive, you won’t be a ginger at all, but you can have a little tinge of evilness in you. But I’ll be damned. This mutation has some nifty benefits, that only the evil gingers of this world get to experience.
Take a look at Nicole Kidman. She’s as white as a ghost, just like all red heads, which is probably the result of no soul. This too turns out to be the result of the mutated MC1R gene. It causes the demonically affected to have less eumelanin pigmentation and more phaeomelanin pigmentation, and as a result, light skin. Now if you live in the darker parts of the world, such as Hell, the skin absorbes more sunlight. With more sunlight comes more production of Vitamin D, which is beneficial for the body. Talk about the dark arts.
But it also has its disadvantages. Pale skin isn’t all that much fun in the sun. Just put a ginger in the scorching sun and watch them burn up like the spawn of Satan. The pale skin results in higher rates of skin cancers and more birth defects. The birth defects are caused by the sun destroying the levels of folic acid in the skin. Allow two of them to breed together and the rates of birth defect increase, as if it’s a punishment from God.
Today the country with the highest proportion of red heads is the fiery temperamental Scotland, which has an uneasy 13 percentage of the population without a soul. But America has the most gingers, with 15 million. That’s enough to build an unholy horde of soulless daemons.
So now you know what causes red hair. It isn’t the lack of a soul, or evil doing, it’s as simple as a genetic mutation, and that’s what causes the evilness. Oh, and by the way, when I was younger I had red hair, probably from carrying the recessive defective gene, and although my wife is brunette, she should be a ginger, or a blonde. I haven’t fully decided yet. Her smarts say one, and her temper says the other.