Well, I can think of probably a million things better to do to please a god than this. The Mayan kings used to pierce their wieneres in a blood offering to their gods. Of course, this would be as painful as it sounds, but their willies weren’t the only body parts that suffered for their devotion.
You have to hand it to the Mayans. They took worship of their deities to the next level. If a king piercing his wiener wasn’t enough to please his gods, he could always inflict pain elsewhere on his body. This is a level of self flagellation that very few religions reach. Failing that, as we are mostly well aware, they could just rip the still beating heart out of some poor soul in a gruesome human sacrifice. But they aren’t the only culture that had what we would consider a weird custom. There’s the very unsavoury tradition in Papua New Guinea, the somewhat promiscuous shrine in Indonesia or even the macabre Ma’nene festivities in that same country.
So I guess you are wondering what exactly went on during this Mayan king wiener piercing offering. No, well I’ll tell you anyway. Oh, and if you’re a man, this may get a little uncomfortable.
During this ritual, the Mayan king would pierce his wiener, tongue or some other soft tissue part of his body and collect the blood from the wound on paper or just let it scatter. The collected paper would then be burned as a sacrifice. But why do something so drastic? Why not just take the Christian way out and pray?
The Mayans believed that their gods created human life by sacrificing some of their own divine blood. Offering their own blood back to the gods was seen as keeping the universal balance. I fact, there is even a depiction of the rain god piercing his wiener and the blood flows into and fills a vat of an alcoholic ritual drink. Just think. They could have done what the Egyptians did. It would have been a lot less painful.